My Question For God

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In an uncertain world

created to be that way

by which I mean with options

ie. the blessing and the curse -

because let's face it

every war ever fought

was a choice,

9/11 was a choice,

so was the Holocaust

so was the pandemic

so is climate change -

there is one thing

of which I am certain :

If you ever did appear

and I mean obviously

unequivocally 

unquestionably

undeniably

(I'm trying to imagine

what that might look like

in an age of smartphones

and virtual reality

a burning bush

wouldn't hack it)

some would probably accept 

it was really you, the Creator, 

the Almighty, the Ineffable,

but most would just shrug

and dismiss you and your followers

as another wacky internet 

Q-Anon-like cult,

but don't get me wrong

I have nothing personal

against god, it's just

the way things here 

have been set up

a lot of us are by now 

sort of addicted to freedom 

and honestly if you had to choose 

between a life of questions 

and having all the answers

between change and permanence

between determined defiance 

and robotic obedience

who in their right mind

would choose the latter?

The Requirement of Love

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This hazy mid-July

afternoon by the lake

I am sitting on my porch

watching a lone

orange and black monarch

dart back and forth

back and forth across the lawn

I can’t think of anything

in nature that looks

more futile and mad as

this butterfly’s flight

the frenzied zigzagging 

reaching altitude and 

dropping in an instant 

papery oversized wings

and spindly body batting

spasmodically

against unpredictable

currents circling 

in jagged flapping 

up and down patterns

a game of snakes and ladders

going nowhere;

After some frantic time

it finally comes to rest

on the broken branch

of a dead leafless 

ash tree wings slowly

inflating/deflating

like wasted heaving lungs.

The sun slips behind

distant blue-green mountains,

I am thinking 

of a conversation we had

one time when we

hiked those switchback 

ascending trails and you

leading with me behind 

said, we have no choice

we have to live

with it now, live

with what you said

with what I said 

there’s no going back

it’s the requirement of love

and just then 

the monarch lifted off

as if to provide 

royal assent

for our decision

to keep trying. 

Dolphin Dance

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Is it selfish of me

to love

the way I want 

to love

and not the way

you want me 

to love? 

I dance 

my dance

to the music

I hear in my head.

You dance 

your dance 

to the music 

you hear in your head.

I watch

the way you move

your body

in your way

the only way 

you know how

and feel desire

so I try

to dance along

looking to you

foolish as

a clown

while 

in my mind

I am riding

the waves

of your wake

up and down

smiling 

and beautiful 

my dolphin dance

for you.

Give It Away

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Do you really 

need to hold 

something back?

Keep in reserve

a little something

a chip or two

just to keep playing?

What if 

you could

give it all away

I mean all of it

throw your cards

on the table

show your hand

for everyone to see -

would it mean

the game was over? 

The few chips

you kept 

are sharp as shards

broken off

a still life

sculpture,

or smooth

as pocketed 

worry beads.

Comes a point

you say to yourself

who needs it?

Give it away

I say

every secret

every fear

every hatred

every dumb thought

every bad idea 

every prejudice

every joy

every love

give it all away

until nothing's left

there's a chance

you will fly.

Ants

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I flick them off a forearm

or a thigh, squish them

under heel or thumb

the black ones 

small and large alike

one time saw a critter

crawling across

white kitchen tile

vigorous and struggling

under the broken body weight

of his dried up comrade

and felt nearly awestruck

by his valiant efforts

to carry his brother

to safety

as I crushed them both

under my toes;

the traps in the corner

are insufficient

and the man fixing

my front porch shows me

how over years

the destructive devils

have chewed through

the thick joists 

supporting the deck

reduced them to sawdust

it’s an unwinnable war

he says smiling -

carpentry is his sideline

most days he plays 

double bass for the 

city philharmonic and 

on weekends 

directs a church choir

I don't know where

he finds time for woodwork

but he needs 

the extra cash

and it 'keeps me sane' he says

in steady measured tones

between buzzsaw screams

(he wears ear protection

goggles and gloves)

I holler at him 

aren't you worried

about severing a finger

it could happen

in a split second

of inattention 

the mind does tend to wander

life is filled with risks

he answers offhandedly

and I say to myself

he's right

he’s a good guy

I think

I'll let him live.

Father's Day

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We Jews don't celebrate it

because the Bible says

as number 5

on its top 10 list 

honour thy father...

so in theory every day 

should be father's day

but of course 

we fall short

so I'm all for a reminder

once a year 

and I have to admit

I enjoyed 

the special breakfast -

Pillsbury cinnamon rolls

hot from the oven

frosted with gooey icing

and fresh strawberries

cut into shapes and arranged 

on the plate to say

"We love you dad"

in sweet red

plus my daughters 

let me explain

to them the meaning 

of my favourite

Bruce Springsteen song

which they know well

because I blasted it

every morning for years

on the way to school

about the confusions of love

using a carnival metaphor

a house of mirrors

'showing us both in 5D'

and I asked them if

after all they've witnessed

in our home

they still believed in marriage

and to my astonishment

they said yes because 

when the ride was over

mother and I 

always laughed.

Father's Day Portrait by Tamar Black-Rotchin