We live in a constant state of anticipation. Always waiting for the resolution of conflict. Our minds and bodies exist in a permanently agitated condition, in the throes of omnipresent anxiety and duress, and we don't even realize it, because we are not in the moment.
It's hoping for a temporary ceasefire in the Middle East that will bring hostages home.
It's waiting on the next judicial decision in any one of the number of cases against Donald Trump. What it will mean for the future of democracy, and maybe even the world.
It's the news, the notifications, the messages bombarding us on our phones.
It's thinking about what others think. Caring about what others care about.
It's the obsession with things that are beyond our control. The anxiety of the unknowable future.
I'm thinking about how two of my children never learned to drive a car. One of my children never learned to ride a bicycle. When she was in her late teens I tried to teach her, but it was very difficult to the point of frustration. Like learning language, riding a bike seems to be much easier when you are younger. She eventually gave up trying. Perhaps my kids (they're adults now) will never know the feeling of mastering a skill to such an extent that it feels so natural they don't think about it. When people use the expression, 'you never forget, it's like riding a bike' they get it wrong. Riding a bike has nothing to do with memory. Riding a bike is the opposite of memory, it's un-remembering what you've worked so hard to learn, until the point that no thought whatsoever is involved. It becomes a skill that your body just 'knows' by feeling, your senses are calibrated precisely to achieve balance through acceleration and momentum. It's what your mind and body feel like when they're in the moment, the barrier between oneself and the world outside has fallen away, and you are inseparable from the forces that govern your movement. In fact, if you were to 'think' about riding a bike while you were doing it, the chances of faltering probably increase. It doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention. Of course you do. If you didn't pay attention to the road you'd hit the curb, or god forbid, a pedestrian. But what are you actually paying attention to? Not the mechanics of riding/driving. Not your body or thoughts in action. You are paying attention to the moment and your surroundings as you move through space and time. Your mind is not wandering off. You are in the moment so much so that your emotions and thoughts are untethered to anything but the moment itself. It's the mind-body 'problem' resolving into balance.
I am reminded of the Zen-Buddhist teacher Alan Watts who described one indispensable qualification needed by a person to comprehend the path of Zen, "...he must understand his own culture so thoroughly that he is no longer swayed by its premises unconsciously...He must be free of the itch to justify himself."
But back to bike riding. I get a kick out of seeing those serious helmeted cycling dads, clad in stretchy, sleek, fashionable body-hugging apparel, riding on their $20,000 titanium racers up and down Mount-Royal. I respect their desire to keep in shape, and cycling is great heart-health exercise, but do they have to look like they're competing for a gold medal? I was a pretty serious cyclist myself in my late teens. Bought a state-of-the-art 18-gear racer and went on two or three day cycling trips with a buddy through the Green Mountains in Vermont or the Adirondacks in New York. That was forty years ago and a phase that didn't last long. A few years ago while cleaning out the garage I came across my old bike. The chain was rusty and the wheels were flat. It looked decrepit. There was another adult racer in the garage that must have belonged to one of my kids. It was driveable. So, unhelmeted, I took it for a quick spin. It was a warm sunny day. Instantly, it all came back to me. I don't mean how to ride, of course, that did. I mean the feeling of being at one with my body and the wind, the untethered feeling of serenity and careless joy.
What does riding a bike have to do with the hostages in Gaza, American politics and the future? No idea. Probably nothing. But does it really matter?
1 comment:
When you introduced me Steve Tesich, I sought out other stuff that he had wrote ... which led me to re-watch Breaking Away (last watched in 1979), which is a terrific movie about cycling.
My wife is a serious cyclist. Although I am much more of a novice when it comes to biking, I can certainly relate to the "feeling of being at one with my body and the wind, the untethered feeling of serenity and careless joy". I, too, am not sure what this has to do with Gaza, but perhaps it's nothing more and nothing less than a much-needed distraction.
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