I've got me a job,
I guess it's okay,
Don't care very much,
But it's worth the pay.
I've got me a girl,
Yeah, she's alright,
Watch movies, have dinner,
Almost never fight.
Sometimes I think,
There's another way,
Choices I could make,
Before I go gray.
Take myself down,
A different road,
Where the sky is wide,
The air not cold.
Ain't as young as I was,
Or as old as I'll be,
It feels somehow,
Like I'm always between.
My girl ran away,
Took part of me,
All she left behind,
A mountain of lonely.
Used to have buddies,
Shared a game and a beer,
They're off doing something,
Or so it appears.
My folks worry 'bout me,
Say my life's a dead-end,
I'm happy they're talking,
Since their marriage did end.
I may not go far,
Whatever 'far' means,
I'm heading somewhere,
I'm always between.
Ain't as young as I was,
Or as old as I'll be,
It feels somehow,
Like I'm always between.
2 comments:
Well, it looks like you are just as depressed as I am!
I am always attracted to your poems and songs (more than your prose posts), so I listened to this song before reading your post entitled "Riding a Bike" ... but you could have titled that post "Always Between" (particularly the beginning part). That feeling of waiting for life to happen, for the "other shoe" to drop, for the resolution that's supposed to solve "the problem," but inevitably never does -- that's a difficult and painful way to live life. We have been doing a ton of soul-searching these past couple of months on whether we should really make the move to Israel ... or not. Feeling "between". Give up our 3200 square foot house for a 1000 square foot apartment in Jerusalem? Give up the relative luxuries of Canada for a country that often feels like it's in the "third world"? Give up the relative peaceful Canadian political climate for the political rat's nest of Israel? And yet, as scary as things are here in Israel, they are in some ways scarier in Toronto (and the rest of the world). There were extensive social media posts this past week, for example, about a planned pro-Palestinian demonstration in front of our shul! Uninformed and misguided as many of these protestors are, they are driven by what they consider a righteous cause, and are immune to, and insensitive to, any opinions that are different from their own. Ultimately, living here in Israel somehow seems like an authentic response to everyone else who is telling me not to live here -- or that I am somehow committing a crime by living here. These protestors don't seem to accept the fact that Jews, too, have had -- and still have -- nationalistic aspirations. We, too, are deserving of a state, of a land of our own. We have certainly paid for it with blood and tears. We are leaning therefore, my wife and I, toward a late-in-life aliyah ... but it's not an easy decision. Our new beautiful granddaughter may, in the end, be the one to tip the scales.
P.S. You should re-record this song with the mic closer to your voice. Your lyrics are always great, but they get washed away by the music when you are too far away from the mic.
On the music, yeah, hard to get levels when you’re working with the memo app on an iPhone. I tried something different with this song. Doubled the vocal and tried to sing a harmony part in the chorus. Not terribly satisfied. The song seems to drag along. Might scrap it entirely and start over.
On your thoughts, about being in between, beautifully expressed. So much in life is about reconciliation. Our physical comfort and security needs with our spiritual and aspirational needs. I always remember how the journey recounted in the Torah was ‘a between journey’, a desert journey, a journey of becoming, and the Israelites never actually enter the Promised Land. I figured you would ultimately decide to make Aliyah to be where your heart is, with your grandchild, your future. It’s what my wife and I are waiting for. To see where our children end up, and that will guide our decisions.
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